Saturday, November 6, 2010
So I was in Ohio visiting family and friends for about six months while my husband was deployed. You might be wondering why the hell I went back up there instead of staying at home, simply put I could. I have no job here and I'm not in school here. I work from home and go to school in Ohio. I tried going to school where I live and the school I was attending was complete and utter shit. That doesn't even begin to cover the year long struggle I had with that hell hole but it's just to much to write in such a short time. It would be at least two very very long posts and no one wants that. Anyway while I was up in Ohio (I live in New Mexico) I had the most amazing time ever and was hard pressed to come back here. I have to friends here and quit frankly no life. I've tried socilizing with the people here but to be blunt we just weren't meant to be friends. Most of them think I'm either insane or just to weird for them to want to deal with. I am actually putting in effort but I'm at my wits end because really you can't force a friendship, it either happens or it doesn't and sadly in all cases it's not. Don't get me wrong they are nice people and they try to include me but I think I just have to much on my mind and don't care enough anymore. I need to get a drivers license but Mike doesn't have the time to take me to the MVD here and there isn't a bus line that comes onto the base I live on. If I could drive perhaps I'd like this place more but at the moment I just don't and it makes me feel bad because my husband really needs me to at least try to like it. Anyway while I was in Ohio I found music that has altered the way I look at things a bit. I'm starting to find things that fascinate me even in things that I would normally hate. I'm watching movies with Mike that before I would have just vomited at and told him to screw off for trying to get me to watch. I still won't watch the Saw movies but he'll get over it. I find myself writing and drawing more so that's a plus. I still don't want kids and Mike does and I'm hoping it doesn't end up causing us to divorce because outside of that we are about as perfect for one another as a couple can get. We do love each other but I've known other couples that have divorced for less. I'm not budging on this issue though and I don't care how selfish that is. I'm not adult enough to have a child and I know it, so at least I'm not willing to ruin a tiny little person because I'm a turd.